kieta sakura (faded cherry blossom)
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: As Tsukushi walks in the park, the scene before her reminds her of a feeling deep inside of her.


**Fandom: Hana Yori Dango  
Title: kieta sakura (faded cherry blossom)  
Pairing: Rui + Tsukushi  
Rating: G  
Description: As Tsukushi walks in the park, the scene before her reminds her of a feeling deep inside of her****.**

**Disclaimer: Hana Yori Dango isn****'****t mine.**

The sakura petals slowly fluttered to the ground like snow.

With the wind blowing around her, she felt like a child let out of the house for the first time. It was like one of those manga stories in which the wind and sakura would bring about a mysterious encounter, a high point in the plot which would set the tone for everything. And as she stopped to feel the wind with her eyes closed, she tried her best to keep herself calm and not too sentimental.

Then, she opened her eyes to find that there were people before her and people behind her, but no one coming close to her. In this sense, she felt alone for a brief moment, as if the world had abandoned her. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling.

With everything that happened in her life, she wasn't surprised if her life was a manga in itself. Now, whether it was a drama or a fairytale, she couldn't distinguish between the differences.

So, she moved to one side while clutching onto her coat even though the afternoon sun was in the process of retiring. There were people passing her by now, but she paid them no notice. She was lost in a reverie while looking at the sakura petals.

The short-haired girl felt a pang of regret within her heart as she concentrated on the falling sakura, as if the trees were crying to live a little longer…

…like a memory that faded so quickly with no way of protesting against time.  
Dying in each passing second.

**kieta sakura (faded cherry blossom)  
by miyamoto yui  
**  
Clack, clack, clack…

As she ran up the stairs of the emergency exit, the only things she heard were her shoes tapping carelessly on the floor and the loud beating of her heart.

To anyone who was passing, that door probably didn't mean anything. And that was if that person even knew of that door's existence. Maybe it was pointed out in orientation or something to that extent, but it was probably just too ordinary of a door to hold any significance within anyone. But in high school, that girl with the braids thought it was the holder of wishes. It was the gateway to something magical and wonderful with each moment of anticipation whenever she opened the door with her right hand.

Sometimes, there was a treasure, and sometimes there wasn't. The gift in itself was what made her happy.

She didn't know why she was especially attached to someone who seemed not to be fazed by anyone or anything. He was so stoic and indifferent that she had wondered many a time why the heck did someone as passionate as her fall in love with someone as withdrawn and untalkative as him. Someone who didn't even resonate any type of deep feeling as his cold eyes stared at everyone with no distinction as to what was extraordinary or common. In other words, he never seemed the type to be conscious of human feelings.

But she was wrong.

When she had heard his violin, she completely listened to it. There was nothing blocking her way when her ears tried to absorb the sound around her. She would sometimes close her eyes as she entered an empty hall in order to absorb the emotion deep inside of her so that she wouldn't forget what a feeling he gave her whenever she heard the beauty of his soul through his music.

There were many that could play music. Of course, it was impossible to live life without music in some part of a person's life, but his sound was so different. Within his realm, she was captured by a feeling that wouldn't let her go. She couldn't put her arms around anything, but his violin dug deeply into her own soul that she couldn't breathe at times.

If only other people could see what she saw in him, this person who hardly smiled and seemed unlike the other members of the F4.

She was selfish and privileged that way. Only she could hear this music.

There were times when she opened that door to find no one there. And when she did, she would lean her arms on the ledge and look down. Her face would immediately frown in disappointment. It would be one of those days when she would inwardly sulk.

When he was there, she felt a peacefulness that only he could bring to her. Even though he flustered her with his reasoning, actions, and thoughts, there was always a look in his eyes that penetrated into her very being. Even though he didn't mean to, she felt very peaceful around him.

That was the feeling she was trying to recapture.

It was this feeling she couldn't express to Doumyouji, but paralleled that of the scene before her as she watched the wind take away the sakura from her, quietly falling with people crushing the petals under their feet without thinking too much about them.

Even though she deeply loved Doumyouji, there was still that lingering feeling that never went away. And she knew something was missing, for with every person, there was a different type of love.

Rui had done this to her. With all the entropy that had encompassed her life, maybe she depended on him too much without her knowing, but he had filled her with a tranquility that only few knew in the world. She knew what true peace felt like.

It wasn't happiness.  
It was more than feeling the best in the world when you were in love. No, it was so much more than that. It extended beyond a person's soul and mind. It was an emotion felt past the regions set by the human heart.

It was a bliss that could be described as childhood innocence.

A soft smile only for her.

But with the passage of time, even though she still saw the growth of the person she admired so much in those days, she couldn't help but feel genuinely sad by this loss. Even though Rui was in front of her, she could no longer reach out to him or touch him as much as she wanted to.  
As far as he was concerned, in her head, he was fading. The Rui she had known, the one that had cared for her as a woman had faded. He only saw her as friend now and she was forced to accept this reality when she said yes to Doumyouji.

The little bit of hope of keeping him was gone.

It finally hit her that day as a single petal flew towards her.

She picked it up and when she got up, tears started to well up inside of her heart. There stood Rui before her smiling while walking by, perpendicular to her direction, beyond the gate of the park.

The smile that was meant for her was no longer hers. He now gave this smile to Shizuka. And that was only right, wasn't it?

"Then why is my heart cringing and why am I crying?" she asked herself as a single tear escaped and fell onto the petal in her hand.

She wondered, "Is acceptance the same as giving up?"  
If that was so, then she didn't learn the lesson of losing yet. That was just the way she was.

Taking a deep breath, Tsukushi walked towards the entrance of the park with her head up and a determined face. Even though she was fighting against herself within her head and it was draining her, she would overcome this.

She knew these thoughts and feelings would not ever go away because they were a part of her. For, without him, she wouldn't have been the strong person she was today.

That was what he taught her with his silence, his smile, his care for her.

Hope…  
It was an awesome thing that made people persist to go beyond what was thought to be impossible. It was also the same thing that made people numb.

Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for anything to happen.

Even though it was worthless. Even though you knew very well that nothing would.

And yet, you still continued to love with all your might.

The memories are continuing to repeat in some other dimension, and still living deep inside of you. Never wanting to let go; never really accepting defeat; never wanting to fade from your important person's memory while hoping and praying that they think about you from time to time, not letting their memories of you burn out.

Never wanting to become unimportant in their life…  
…or nonexistent within their heart.

She softly held onto the tear-stained petal in her hand.  
**  
Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s note:** There was a feeling I tried to capture, but I don't know if I was successful. That's okay, though.

**July 7, 2004**


End file.
